2 Days on Mallard
or Eider Ducked it if I Could


A true story of one mans struggle against nearly all the odds.

One evening i got a phone call from David asking if I would like a trip with him to fetch “Mallard” from Sawley to Torksey.
I didn't know that it has been in for repairs to the outdrive. I did not know what I was letting myself in for. But of course, I said “YES”.

Day One. (Saturday)

Dave and Fay picked me up at Tuxford at 11.00am to go to Sawley I had packed an overnight bag with spare trousers, shirts and jumpers. I asked Dave if there was anything else I should bring. ANSWER “NO”

I took everything anyway. Six bread buns and a few slices of corned beef for my lunch. My wife, Pam asked me if I was taking my toolbox. ANSWER “No, Dave's got everything”

Off we went to Nottingham.
Got lost..
Dave Took the wrong turn off the roundabout. .
Not to worry, half an hour later and we were back on the right road arriving at Sawley Marina 1.00pm..
Along side “Mallard” ready to load up. .
Dave went to the office to get the keys and pay for moorings..
Apparently the boat had been up for sale and then they changed there minds..
We started to load the boat and I asked Dave if he had brought his VHF set..
Answer” No I don't use it”

Got everything out of the car, including Ricky the dog and Faye headed to home leaving Dave and I to get on with it..
I went on board to make a cup of tea and asked Cave where I could find the kettle..
Answer” No kettle but ....... there was a black teapot” .

No way was I going to drink water out of that. I found a small sauce pan, big enough to boil two cups of water. Great coffee!!!!!!

I asked Dave where he kept his spoons, knives, forks.
Answer “I haven't brought any”

I established that he DID have a frying pan, two cups, a few tea bags, some milk and sugar, AND whiskey.


I managed coffee with ADDITIVE
It was NECTAR.

Now we’re sorted. Everything on board including the dog.
Turned the starter. Again. Again. Again
Nothing. Stone dead.
Any way, up with the floor to have a look, Dave said, ”ah a loose connection”.
I asked him where I could find his tool box.
ANSWER “I haven't brought it”

Away he went to get a spanner off a guy working on a nearby boat. Comes back all smiles with spanner.
The spanner actually fitted the nut (Things are getting better).
Tried the starter again but still nothing.
I asked Dave if he had any other bright ideas.
Answer “Well it has been lying for four or five weeks.

Away he went again and came back with a battery booster, clipped it on and tried again NOTHING!!!!!!
Was I, I wondered, to be stuck here for the weekend.
Anyway we fiddled here and there with no success and then I asked Dave if he had turned on the isolator.
ANSWER “Don't have to”

I try it anyway and lo and behold we have life. Dave insisted on giving it some heater.
Ten minutes later, engine started (HURRAH). I pleaded with him not to stop it. Success.
By this time it was 4.00 pm and Dave said he would go and get some Fuel.

We finally got away at 4.30pm Sawley Lock looks OK, Luckily I've got my BW key with me.

I daren’t ask Dave about his.
Into the lock, Dave shouting, i ask him what is wrong.
ANSWER “I've no reverse”

Bump. Bump. Anyway we got onto Cranfleet. A few more bumps and on to Beeston.

By this time I was starving, I broke the bread buns and put in the bully beef. Three to Dave Three to me. They was BOOTIFUL
My first meal in 24 hours.
Half way up the river I hear Dave saying “blast” and ask him what's wrong now.
ANSWER “I haven't brought my windlass key”

Starts to rain so I put up canopy and made lock ready.
Dave and Ricky back and on board. Dave tied up and closed bottom gates.
Lock filling.
Engine starts to rev. up. Shouted Dave back on board. What had happened.
ANSWER “Ricky has knocked lever into full rev. position”.

I opened top gates. Heavens opened. Ran to get on board.
All I could hear was Dave shouting at the dog to “get in there”
Meanwhile I'm calling on him to pull in and let me on board.
After about 100 yards he does pull in.
By this time I'm wet. Coat. Trousers. Shoes. The lot. I mean wet.
Dave laughed at me.
I was saddened!!!!!!!!
Onwards to Nottingham. Moored at Sainsbury’s to shop
. I got paper plates, plastic knives and forks and spoons, bread, marg., bacon and eggs.
I had to pay with soggy notes. apologised to lass.
It's getting dark.
Through Castle Lock onto Meadow Lane.
I asked Dave to put lights on.
ANSWER “I haven't got any that work.

By the time we got to Meadow Lock it was pitch black.
We decided to moor on embankment of the night.
I asked another silly question as to whether Dave had a torch.
ANSWER “No. What for?”

Have you tried finding mooring rings with you feet in pitch black conditions.
We did and I found two.
Tied up. Changed into dry cloths. Went to fish shop for supper.
It was now 10pm. What a day.
The whiskey went down well.
I wont tell you what I slept in that night but Dave and Ricky had a double sleeping bag.
There's a surprise.

Day 2 (Sunday)

Up at 6am. saucepan on to make tea. Dave got up.
He had been sleeping in his blue long-johns, socks and a tee-shirt.
I asked him of he had felt cold during the night.
ANSWER “No Ricky kept me warm”


After 2 cups of tea we decided to move off and have breakfast later. But will the engine start?
Keeping my fingers crossed.
After a long 10 minutes it fired up.
My fingers were numb.
On to Holme – Stoke – Gunthorpe and hazleford Locks. Decided to have breakfast on low wall at hazelford.
Moored up, left engine running.
I started cooking bacon and eggs. Bread buttered ready. Put what was ready on plate and put the rest on to cook.
Turned to table. Guess what.
ANSWER – Dave had scoffed the lot on sandwiches. He said he was starving.

Dave didn't get a chance at the rest of the bacon.
Now the eggs.
Have you tried basting eggs with plastic spoons. I did. A spoon per egg!!. They bent with the heat of the fat.
Getting them out the pan with toe plastic forks also had its problems.
Laughter and curses. Breakfast was great.
After breakfast, was sailing again through NEWARK TO Cromwell Lock. Canopy down, weather not bad.
Waited half hour for lock keeper. Had coffee with added beverage.
Boat travelling well onto Dunham. Zigzag for the bridge. Said to David to slow down for the fishermen. No reaction.
When the fishermen started waving fists, i shouted again to David to slow down.
ANSWER he did not realise he was making a wash.

That was when I realised that David was a bit deaf.
On to Torksey Lock. Two and quarter hours from Cromwell. Not bad.
David said he would moor up and take his starter motor off to get it repaired.
I made my fond farewells and thanked David for an unforgettable experience.
One thing was certain. He didn't have to take and whisky home.


JOHN

ends 2 Days on Mallard