You wouldn't want to do that ! - Ramprasad - August 1999

What a year away ! (well actually a year and three weeks). Well we only went over the Channel and went around in a circle ( - clockwise -- or was it anticlockwise ? - or maybe there was more than one circle anyway) Spent some time in the canals supping wine didn't we ? What go any further and we'd only be asking for trouble wouldn't we ?
You wouldn't get us going down to greasy Spain just to gob the calamares and olives and sup cerveza would you now ? - and certainly not to Portugal to observe the decadence and the fish in the Rio Douro - to sup Sandeman Port in the land of its origin. That'd really be asking for it ! What and go further to see Lisbon and Expo '98 and the capital of our oldest ally - largly rebuilt after the eathquake of 1823. And the Algarve and Andalucia -- that'd be really horrible ! The only charm to be found around there to be the Rock of Gebel Tarik and the formidable British defences to be seen there.

Mother and babies on the Rock

    Much Cheapness in the Last Shop in Europe!

And what more ? The isolated atlantic islands ? The bare and barren Porto Santo with its famous catabatic winds? The lush but treacherous Madeira Grande with its notorious bands of thieves and robbers? The smelly and horrible Puerto Naos and the friendly photocopying shop on Lanzarote. None of these are worth more than half a look ! And the winds surrounding the fabled windy island of Fuertaventura? Funny how static the wind generator blades can be and how one can use quite a bit of diesel to get past the place!
And Las Palmas de Gran Canaria - the starting point for the Atlantic Rally for Cruisers - well everybody knows that Jimmy Cornell is only in it for the money and at the parties there's no free drinks so they're not worth going to! What a waste of money that would be and especially since you'd be expected to sail across the Atlantic afterwards and not go to any parties over there at all!

Tom gets a bucketful to cool down a few days before arrival in St Lucia

What and be expected to go to the backward parts of the Eastern Caribbean where everybody knows how horrible and how horribly expensive the Rum punches are at Happy Hour ! And then you have to listen to the frogs squeaking all night long ! And then to have to go to a part of metropolitan France that somehow seems to have got detached from the continent of Europe ? You wouldn't want to see HMS Diamond Rock the recapture of which led to the battle of Trafalgar, would you now ? No - all the islands over there are the same anyway.

Some of the caves on Diamond Rock look pretty creapy

You wouldn't want to go to Wallilabou in St Vincent and see Lazarus and his friends on their knackered old surfboards and leaky rowing boats, and see that the only washing facilities are at the cascade up the valley where the callalou grows. What and learn how to make horrible local food like Callalou soup? And go swimming around an anchorage to see turtles. No - far too dangerous.
And the Grenadines - you wouldn't want to sail around that mirad of Coral-encrusted small islands in the month of January would you now? And in Carriacou and Grenada - to see how friendly and efficient and flexible the officials are there. Well they did have a revolution there, didn't they ? That would explain their efficiency and flexibility and all of what they do to encourage yachting visitors there.
And Trinidad ? You certainly wouldn't want to go there in February, would you now? They have that horribly loud street festival called Carnival with all those steel drums and big lorries full of loudspeakers trying to deafen you and so many people dressed up in silly costumes. Terrible place to have anything done to a boat anyway. Far too many boatyards to choose from and who needs to clean the bottom of their boat anyway ?

Time for a scrub and repaint  ...  Hauling out at Power Boats, Trinidad

No - there are many very good reasons not to go to that part of the world. I could go on with all sorts of reasons not to go on any further even if you had made the mistake of going that far. But I wouldn't want to bore you. I hope that I've said enough to put you off from even getting that far. It's far better to stay in Britain and carry on with some steady job and get strung up with extensive long term commitments, isn't it ?