Hmm well this is stuart and my story of our holiday, we wrote it about a year and a half ago but me being me was lazy and never put it on, i forgot about it, then remembered it so here it is! enjoy!

As we approch Mayfield, we take a left turn to line up runway 26L. We look back at what we'd done in out time on the "Party" Island of Tenerife.

It was a calm, mild night as we approach the threshold, with a slight wind coming from the right, quite abley being compensated for by our captain. Then finally we arrived at the place it all started just eight days before.

"Have you got your passport?" i asked Tom as we pulled up at the airport, without trying to be patronising. Fortunatly he had, and a while i felt it was also my duty to check he had his toothbrush, i decieded noot too. We checked in and made our way through to the otherside, this was Toms first time crossing into the 'Parallel world' and this is what he had to say "This is like the beginning of a new adventure, i really cant wait to find out what is in the new and exciting universe that you so excitedly tell me about" as we passed through, this was gonna be it. Yes we all made iit through the doors of death without one beep, everything was perfect......... but they wanted to check my bag, here we go!!!. Apparently your not allowed to take spanners onto an aircraft anymore, do they think im gonna start taking the plane apart?, oh yeah, the bike pump was also banned. So now i'd been classified as an international terrorist, i was escorted back to the check in desk where i was forced to check it in. I couldn't believe it, someone with such a high position in the avaiation industry of myself, a future pilot and all round nice guy, I expected better of this country which claim not too discriminate. And to top it all, Tom was pissing himself laughing. This was the least of my worries as you'lle soon discover, and the security woman will very soon get to be my worst enemy, and nightmare.

It was the day after Dave Gorman, yes he was great!!! The taxi arrived, we loaded my suitcase yes the one stuart had insisted i pack like the week before. After a while stuart turned to me and said, "Have you got ure passport?" now i dont know who Stuart thinks i am, so ok ive forgotten vitally important things like this before, and i am quite forgetfull but still, what a stupid question, as if id forget such a thing. We got to the airport, now he kept making comments about this otherside, i hadnt got a clue what they were talking about, it could ahve been a figment of their imagination, or was it some mystery land another realm prehaps?, we passed through the metal detector, all was good, my paranoia slowly began to loosen its grip!. And what happens Stuarts bag gets checked, ok what the hell posesses someone to take a bloody tool kit, bike pump, punture repair kit, battery chargers, spanners etc on holiday? STUART DOES what the hell was he expecting, i began to worry for his sanity. Hes gone mad? i thought, Mr Prepared for any eventuality got it wrong hahahahah! I couldnt help but to piss myself laughing. What a fool! After he returned from checking the spanners in, we went on into the otherside, it was actualyl quite shite, after such a build up, i was thourrughly dissapointed.

I finally made it through to the other side, where Tom had been patiently waiting for me, I didn't bother rushing cos by this time he'd pissed me off. He seemed very unimpressed by this other realm, I don't quite know what he was expecting. We made our way straight to the CD shop where we both vowed to just look. This failed dismally!!! By this time I was fed up, my valuable possessions were scattered in various peoples bags, and I had just checked my batteries into the hold, grrrrrrrrrrrr. Tom went into Dixons to buy some batteries to last the week, after queueing for 10 minutes he was told he needed his boarding card so he could buy them - yes one all!!!

By now it was lunchtime, me and Tom agreed to find somewhere to eat before the flight was called. We scoured the wide selection of expensive restaurants but we soon gave up and found ourselves queueing at Mcdonalds. Once again Tom seemed very unimpressed, theres just no pleasing some people. Tom had a big mac and I took advantage of his free student burger along with a double cheese burger.

At about 4 'o'clock, our flight was called. To toms disappointment this meant moving on from the 'other side' and walk to the gate. We arrived at the gate and showed out tickets. Tom obviously looked suspicious because he was stopped and his bag was searched ahhhhhhhhh!!!!!!

2-1 TO ME I THINK!!!!!

Yes the people in Dixons are bastards, boarding card my arse grrrrrrrrrrr. Yeah so we went elsewhere to look at stuff. I found myself in a book shop looking at a book on cannabis, I so nearly bought it but chose a good wholesome meal instead 9. On further inspection of the otherside and its contents, it was discovered that we could only really afford food from that luxurious Mc Donalds, I was in a generous mood so let Stuart have my free Burger, he was lucky, I was very hungry. After finally buying batteries our flight was called we were going finally, after many paragraphs of shite we are actually going on holiday now yes!!!!!. All was good, id had a few laughs at Stuarts expense, but then it was all wrecked by some stupid bloke that seems to think that I look like a Druggie wanting to search my bag. It was at this point I realised what a good idea choosing nutritional nourishment well I say nutritional, it was as good as I was gonna get for pittance, over reading pleasure. Yes not buying that book suddenly appeared to be a good idea, after he worked out I was an innocent victim of this bag searching malarkey, we were on our way. I got the window seat, hmmm now I make that 2 all. The journey was errm so very exciting, well actually it was really boring but for the sake of this it was great. The seats were uncomfortable and by the time I got off I felt like id had some of my spine remove and replaced with a breeze block.

First Of all, I paid for the 'FREE' burger which actually meant that tom got a cheap big mac, and secondly you got the window seat for the following reasons:

" It has the least leg room because you cant move sideways
" I always have the window seat and I thought it would be polite that cos I always get it and you haven't been on a plane for years it was right you got it
" If the plan had worked, I would of ended up sittin next to some gourgeous blonde model. That would have been 3-2 but I never have had much luck in that respect9
" Lastly but most importantly, it was dark. You gained nothing by looking into blackness over a wing and I would rather be talking to the supermodel.

Now we've got that out of the way, ill tell you about the flight. We flew on Britannia Airlines. I want to make it clear that if anyone reading this works for Britannia I am free to sort out your inflight entertainment whenever you're ready. The food came along about half way through the flight. The look on Toms face just cannot be reconstructed. I think he realised what aeroplane food is like. He also seemed a bit shocked about drink prices. Anyway so I don't bore you, ill skip a bit. It was about 11 'o' clock as we approached Rheina Sofia, situated on the south of the island. After a long flight, in which I didn't get to sit next to a supermodel, we finally touched down. As we left the plane, tom was complaining about a bad back, what a whinger. Once more I asked Tom if he had his passport. This seemed to piss him off.

Anyway, I nicked a pair of headphones off the aeroplane so I think that makes it 3-2.

I wasn't planning on our Holiday becoming a competitions so I believe I will end it there, even though I have to point out they were my headphones that Stuart stole anyway so it does really make it 3 all or possibly 2 all depending how you think about it. When we went to collect my bags guess what to my amusement Stuarts Bag was soaking, now the look on his face was hilarious, I just couldn't stop laughing. It turned out he had left a can of coke in his bag and it had burst, soaking the contents and yes that included the toolkit and bike pump. With Stuart steaming at the ears, we boarded the coach; I have to say this was the best ride of my life. THE DRIVER WAS A MADMAN I haven't got a clue who gave him his license but I get the feeling HGV Testing centres employee complete retards with no sense of direction, motion and most of all, eyesight. We got to the Hotel in one piece and after going up the wrong side of the hotel realising it was the wrong one, and then going up the other side we got to our rooms. I began to unpack, Stuart meanwhile in trying to sort his soaked bag out managed to cut his finger on some glass that was in the bottom of his bag. This although amusing was a rather serious matter for Stuart, it now meant he could not hold a pint glass in comfort 9.

I agree that this holiday was never intended to be a competition, but if it was I would win. As I collected my bag I discovered that the can of coke had burst. I was particularly upset at this as the security guard at atwick assured me it would be fine. IM GONNA SUE. This was caused by a change in pressure due to change in altitude. Once we arrived at the hotel, we negotiated our ways around the maze of rooms until we found ours. Whilst unpacking, we discovered the first of many stupid things. The cupboard that was too high to reach, we even took a picture!!

All unpacked, after a bit of first aid we set off for a drink. We set off to an area known internationally as veronicas. This promised to provide us with a weeks worth of excellent entertainment. As we approached the first of the bars, we were surrounded by PR's desperate to get us into their bar so they could get the commission. We ended up in a bar called Brannigans. We each had a pint of Dorada, a Spanish beer of which I nicked a glass. There were many things that annoyed me about this bar, the DJ using a CD mixer, and then talking over the song and selling tiny vodka jelly for three quid. We were then led to another bar. We soon discovered that the PR's were willing to lie to get the sell. Our free drink turned into more of a buy the first round and you can have the second free!!!

Ok, well i now believe in sun tan lotion	Can you see why this is so stupid?

Thats where it ends im afraid i think we both got bored of writing it! in all it was a very good holiday! although i hurt for like 3 days after and shed a good layer of skin!