COMMENT A great deal has been achieved in the club during 2004. The clubhouse has been transformed, and perhaps with more changes to come in the next few months.

In spite of the poor weather this summer we had a good number of trophies to award at the recent prize giving and more boats turning out for races. The racing calendar is varied enough to attract several types of boat. The Altmouth Cup Race was very successfully organised, sailed and enjoyed by many. Those members who entered the Isle of Man race had a very hard time of it but made the effort. The Isle of Man race used to be attractive to members several years ago but has declined in popularity in BSC. Sometimes getting to the start can be awkward from the Alt.

We welcomed several new members into the club this year, both House and Sailing members and there are a number of people waiting to become members in the New Year.

At the Annual General Meeting there will be a change of officers in the club, some will resign and of course sadly we will say goodbye to Mike Kennan as Commodore. Mike has had a very eventful time in office and he and Maggie will probably be glad to have more time for sailing and just getting on with life. Very best wishes to them both.

Thank you all for your support and help with newsletter matters this year and do please continue to read it. The AGM will be reported in the next newsletter. The photograph on the front cover was in 1962/3. I don't think we have had such a severe winter since then although sometimes it may feel that we have.

Very best wishes to you all for a happy Christmas and a good New Year.

THE CLUB DIARY 2005

The diary for the coming year is now being formulated. If you wish to change, delete or include any item please get in touch with Mark Meadows as soon as possible.
The General Committee Meeting last night was a very short affair but here is a quick canter through some of the points discussed.

Apologies for absence were received from Dave Wilcox, David Warren, Bill Woods, Trevor Mayers, Phil Wright and Simon Markland.

THE COMMODORE opened the meeting and after a couple of adjustments to last month's minutes Mike gave his report.
He and Maggie had attended a dinner given by West Kirby S.Club, which was held at The Last Drop, Bolton. They also attended a dinner at Tranmere Sailing Club. Mike thanked Stan Warren for setting up a very good Prize giving Dinner in our clubhouse. He also thanked everyone who had helped. Mike commented that, on what always proves to be an enjoyable evening, the numbers attending are very disappointing.
The committee joined Mike in his admiration of the Christmas decorations and thanks were expressed for all the very hard work done by Rita Gilbury, Alan Tosh and Bill Woods.

THE CLUB CAPTAIN. Alan reported that there are still two masts up in the laying up yard causing a nuisance to neighbours. Can they please be lowered? If for any reason the owner needs help to do so please ask and help will be arranged.
Alan had attended a meeting in Liverpool Town Hall about the Mersey River Festival. The date will be: 10th - 13th June 2005

THE REAR COMMODORE said that there was no House Committee meeting this month. All the social uses of the clubhouse had gone well thanks to all who helped and to Catherine who is now the Club steward.

THE HON. TREASURER told the meeting that all the figures are ready for the Annual General Meeting and are ready for the auditors.
David also said that as this was his last committee meeting he wanted to say how happy he had been as Treasurer and had enjoyed working with the current Committee.

THE HON SECRETARY has dealt with correspondence and an invitation had been received from Dee Sailing Club for the Commodore and Hon Secretary to attend their Annual Dinner on 8th January. Mark and the Rear Commodore had attended the Wallasey Yacht Club annual dinner on the 4th December.

THE 200 CLUB.

The prizewinners of the November Draw were:

1st Prize of £30.00 Number 6 Mr Joe Coady:

2nd Prize of £20.00 Number 148 Mrs Elisabeth Gelder

3rd Prize of £15.00 Number 34 Mr Dave Ward.

Philippa Greenfield carried out the draw on Friday 26th November
The date of the next draw will be Friday 31st December 2004

The Commodore then told the meeting that the Christmas Party had been a great success and a profit of £230 was made. 80 tickets were sold and 72 people attended. As that was the last event to be organised by Maggie and her Social Committee Mike thanked them all for their splendid work. Well done!
Mike also thanked the General Committee for their work over the last two years and a very big thanks was expressed to David Griffiths our retiring Treasurer for all his sterling work over the last five years

THE ANNUAL GENERAL MEETING.
will take place on Sunday 19th December at 10.30 am
The bar will open after the meeting is closed.

The holiday opening times will be on the notice board. The clubhouse will be open on New Year's Eve

The Commodore closed the meeting at 21.00 hours.

AN OCCASIONAL ALPHABET

D DELTA. A yellow flag with a central horizontal blue band indicating, "Keep clear of me I am manoeuvring with difficulty".
Morse = dash dot dot

Day Sailer. An open sailboat without living accommodations or amenities, used by sailors whose idea of fun is to see how far they can get from the nearest toilet in just a few short hours.

Deck Shoe A Canvas or leather shoe with a rubber sole having a specially designed tread that provides for secure footing on deck unless the deck is wet, the shoe is somewhat worn, the deck is worn
or the shoe is wet.

Dock. Harbour landing-place that goes squeak or thud when hit.

Draft. The vertical distance from the waterline to whatever is down there that the stupid keel is stuck in.

Dry Rot Degenerative condition of wood that transforms ship timbers into a substance that has compressive and tensile strengths about equal to those found in coleslaw. Since salt water is the most common cause of dry rot, the best preventative measure is to keep vessels with predominantly wooden construction in a cool, dry place - such as a garage or warehouse - on a permanent basis. SM.

THE BATTLE OF TRAFALGAR

It's 200 years since Lord Nelson's famous naval victory over the French and Spanish in the Battle of Trafalgar. To kick-start the anniversary celebrations, an actor dressed as Nelson posed for pictures on the River Thames at Greenwich. But before he was allowed to board an RNLI Lifeboat, safety officials made him wear a lifejacket over his 19th century admiral's uniform.

This is probably how Nelson would have fared if he'd been subject to modern health and safety regulations.

Imagine you are now on the deck of the recently renamed British Flagship, HMS Appeasement:

Order the signal. Hardy.
Aye, aye, sir.

Hold on, that's not what I dictated to the signal officer. What's the meaning of this?
Sorry, sir?

England expects every person to do his duty, regardless of race, gender, sexual orientation, religious persuasion or disability.
What gobbledegook is this?

Admiralty policy, I'm afraid, sir. We're an equal opportunities employer now. We had the devil's own job getting "England" past the censors, lest it be considered racist.

Gadzooks, Hardy. Hand me my pipe and tobacco.
Sorry, sir. All naval vessels have been designated smoke-free working environments.

In that case, break open the rum ration. Let us splice the main brace to steel the men before battle.
The rum ration has been abolished, Admiral. It's part of the
Government's policy on binge drinking.

Good heavens. Hardy. I suppose we'd better get on with it. Full speed ahead.
I think you'll find that there's a 4 mph speed limit in this stretch of water.

Dammit, man, we are on the eve of the greatest sea fight in history. We must advance with all dispatch. Report from the crow's nest, please.
That won't be possible, sir.
What??????
Health and Safety have closed the crow's nest, sir. No harness. And they say that rope ladder doesn't meet regulations. They won't let anyone up there until proper scaffolding can be erected.

Then get me the ship's carpenter without delay, Hardy.

He's busy knocking up a wheelchair access to the fo'c'sle Admiral.

Wheelchair access? I've never heard anything so absurd.

Health and safety again, sir. We have to provide a barrier-free environment for the differently abled.

Differently abled? I've only one arm and one eye and I refuse even to hear mention of the word. I didn't rise to the rank of admiral by playing the disability card.

Actually, sir, you did. The Royal Navy is under-represented in the areas of visual impairment and limb deficiency.

Whatever next? Give me a full sail. The salt spray beckons.

A couple of problems there, too, sir. Health and safety won't let the crew up the rigging without crash helmets. And they don't want anyone breathing in too much salt. Haven't you seen the adverts?
I've never heard such infamy. Break out the cannon and tell the men to stand by to engage the enemy.

The men are a bit worried about shooting at anyone, Admiral.
What? This is mutiny.

It's not that, sir. It's just that they're afraid of being charged with murder if they actually kill anyone. There are a couple of legal aid lawyers on board, watching everyone like hawks.

Then how are we to sink the Frenchies and the Spanish?

Actually, sir, we're not.

We're not?

No, sir. The Frenchies and Spanish are our European partners now.
According to the Common Fisheries Policy, we shouldn't even be in this stretch of water. We could get hit with a claim for compensation.

But you must hate a Frenchman as you hate the devil.

I wouldn't let the ship's diversity co-ordinator hear you saying that sir. You'll be up on a disciplinary.

You must consider every man an enemy who speaks ill of your King.

Not any more, sir. We must be inclusive in this multicultural age. Now put on your Kevlar vest, it's the rules.

Don't tell me? Health and safety. Whatever happened to rum, sodomy and the lash?
As I explained, sir, rum is off the menu. And there's a ban on corporal punishment.
What about sodomy?
I believe it's to be encouraged sir.
In that case? Kiss me Hardy.

Many thanks to Simon Markland.

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